Blank Pages

That's what you get when you start a blog before the holidays, blank pages. I've been so consumed with all of the 'stuff' it's been difficult to set aside time to write. On top of my usual duties I've spent my days "off" building not 1, not 2, but 3 websites. I'm trying to quit my day job, trying to start a business, fighting for a small inheritance, and taking the tint off my windows before court on Tuesday. We've visited the families (most but certainly not all). I've given lessons in Adobe After Effects until 5 in the morning ...twice. We've had staff parties and everyone parties and for the first time I enjoyed both. It's like all the things one would do throughout a year we did in a month.

Often when I pray I pray for wisdom. I recognize that a fair amount of people do as well. Whether it be because of a big decision that lies ahead or all of the little ones that lie in between. But sometimes we ask as if there is some amount of knowledge, or ability to manipulate that knowledge, that will take away the difficulty and fear of these decisions.

I personally began asking for wisdom daily when I was about 12. I just didn't want to make the same mistakes everyone else was making. My parents, my friends, and certain in betweens seemed so prone to making mistakes that I felt they'd made enough to cover my quota as well. I wanted to learn from them, not just what to do, but what not to do. Ever since then I've had this wisdom (whether or not I've known it) and have been learning from those smarter than me as well as those as smart as me sans wisdom.

But even with all the wisdom God has offered I've just recently had the wisdom to see why I still make the wrong choices and fear uncertainty. God's wisdom shows us the path that is right, but our faith determines the path we'll take. To say that wisdom=wise decisions is to say that knowing what to do=doing it. But the transition between wisdom and wise decisions is a step of faith. This step requires faith that what you think God is leading you to do is really God's leading, that no matter your choice He will follow that path with you, and when you get down that road He will undoubtedly meet your new found needs with unrelenting provision. Faith is the opposite of fear. They both motivate your actions either to run scared (down the easy path or away from the decision completely) or to boldly take the path less traveled, the right one.

I don't want to pray for wisdom when I'm really asking God to make my way be the right way. Because the fact is I already have the wisdom to know what is right I just lack the guts (self control motivated by faith with boldness) to do something about it. I'm really asking for God to show me another way out. A way that's a little closer to what I think I can handle, or what I want to be the right way. God's wisdom is ultimately wasted if we ignore it and choose our way instead.

Today I'm met with two blank pages. The one I'm already filling with this blog and this new year that we're already filling with our decisions. I know without a doubt or an ounce of uncertainty the things that I should do this year and even mostly how to do them. Wisdom granted. Now I'm praying for boldness, courage, patience, self control, and peace so that by faith I can do what is right in 2009. Don't worry I'm praying the same for you too. I hope this finds you well and that when our new paths cross you're having a Happy New Year!